“Mis-understood”
April 21, 2009Somebody once told me
If you’re misundertood, it’s your fault
You’re responsible, not the other party
Because
You’re responsible for the words that came out of your mouth
That you say them in a way the meaning is correctly put across
That the meaning which leaves your mouth
is the same meaning received at the other end
That your speech attains its desired effect
Then is it useful and effective speech
That it’s not what you said but what was heard
That it’s not what you meant but what people perceived you meant
That people understand you correctly
That you’re not misunderstood
If not, it’s your fault
You’re responsible
Yes, very utilitarian
Very practical advice
Makes you even more responsible for what you say
If you aren’t already
But then again…
Now, how much of a responsibility is that?
That you’re not only responsible for yourself and what you say
But you’re also responsible for what others hear or mis-hear, understand or mis-understand?
Is it “Misunderstood”
That the whole word comes as one?
That the whole word belongs to you?
Your responsibility?
Or is it “Mis-understood”
That “mis” is added to “understood”?
That perhaps at times
It’s beyond you?
“Misunderstood” or “Mis-understood”?
Learnt this from a friend:
“To go on living without fear. Fear of not being
[correctly understood or] rightfully acknowledged by everyone.”
I agree tt we are responsible for what we had said.
But I strongly believe what ppl hear or mis-hear lies with them and not with us. Who knows whether did they add any salt n pepper to it? just to stir up news? just trying to break up ppl? seeking attention perhaps? how much of a 3rd party’s statement can we actually believe?
being misunderstood does happens sometimes but as long as u noe what u done is right and u stand firmly on the ground, what’s there to be bother abt? perhaps being a celebrity n being in e limelight is much more tuff then us normal working ppl. just take a step at a time n let time tells the truth.
There are many sides to look at an issue. Most of the time people only look at their own. If only there is more consideration to other people’s feelings, like being in another person’s shoes, the world would be so beautiful. Well, everyone has an ego don’t we? Only love can solve problems like this, by putting aside our ego for once, and putting energy into understanding one another.
If someone is speaking the truth, and sincerely means what he is saying, and if the person at the receiving end is blaming/ misunderstanding him, then that’s his personality problem. He is probably biased, or not humble enough to listen to opinion, or to clarify before misunderstanding people. Sometimes there’s puns, which cannot prevented. lol..
I see “mis-understood” (your term) as something else. I am”Miss understood”. haha.. to know that the situation is beyond my control. To understand that because my conscience is clear, and I have said the truth(but not trying to provoke anybody).
P.S: You are not responsible for his reactions/thoughts, if you are doing the right thing.
Be a man, do the right thing! – Russell Peters
LOL!
Btw, you post very fast leh. I comment the 2 older post yet. -.- hhaaha.
(it’s when I read back at my comments I realise I have typo error)
Btw, you post very fast leh. I *haven’t comment the 2 older post yet. -.- hhaaha.
Sleepy..Good night!
you don’t have to account to anyone but yourself =)
i
t gets pretty draining having to deal with such issues..take the back seat, take time off and read more books..share your thoughts!! =)
Misunderstood.
Depends on a few factors.
When u are conveying ur thoughts/message to a 2nd party, what’s ur body language? Facial expression?
The 2nd party might perceived it on what they think u are trying to say thru the way u conveying your message.
When he/she convey your message to the 3rd, 4th and more parties, the meaning might be changed
Therefore it might lead to misunderstandings.
Being misunderstood is terrible. But well, we have to be responsible too. But if we think we are right, misunderstandings will be solved one day. The truth will be out…
Woah! 4 new blog entries posted within 1 day… O_o Anyway sometimes even some of the people (especially news reporters since its related with country’s politic) who attended the conference held by some politicians, sometimes a politician might or may spoke out some sentences that may sound unpleasant to the country citizens (like racism issue) but he or she unintended to meant it that way. However news reporters have to report whats really happening according to what they listened/read/saw. Some (especially government officer side) may say its news reporter’s fault for reporting what is untrue while mass media claimed that they (mass media workers) claimed that they report what’s happening on that event. Aiks! Dont want to get sued by ISA. >_<
So the message sender has to use correct terms in order to avoid misunderstandings between the sender and the receiver or else what is not true AT ALL would spread like wild fire. Just like some of the posters above me mentioned, the receiver might twist the message a little bit with their own style and send it to another person, it will become another meaning of that sentence and so forth when the message passed by 4th, 5th, 6th and so on. Just like those aunties in the wet market or paparazzis kaypoh or gossip about someone else and make that matter big. The more the merrier… -___-||
Like you have mentioned before, celebrities are like public property. So as politician as well.
misunderstanding..omg..it can kills lor..haha..cos st when a person is outside at a coffeeshop..dey said st dat is not wat dey actually mean..but in e end stiil resort in violent..hehe..
Well i totally agreed that we should be responsible for what we say
Maybe in some situations we tend to be nervous and mislead people to misunderstood us so we have to explain more clearly…
Or there are a few reasons example people adding salt to it,people spreading rumors which is not true or people trying to get attention are some causes for misunderstanding…
Its sad to being misunderstood but most important is that you are you all along and to have a clear conscience and just be yourself because the truth will be out one day.
good luck 4 starawards
good luck for starawards
Wow ! U suddenly post 4 entries all at once…! Ok, i shall go over 1 by 1…
Mm…i think it should be “mis-understood”.
It takes 2 hands to clap.
Likewise, good communication is a 2 way-(or more)process, therefore it’s not only the responsibility of the sender but also the receiver.
How the receiver interprets the information is vital. And how the receiver interprets will depend on many factors eg. their personality, their stage of their thoughts (eg. mature thinking or naive, etc), their knowledge of the subject matter, etc….
But of course, the speaker/sender should be responsible for his/her words because it will reflect his/her character, interests, etc.
So think before you speak or write or do anything! Heehee….:p
as cliche as it sounds, the answer to your question is… it depends. it depends largely on whether one speaks with clarity and construes his or her words articulately. on the other hand, misunderstandings may arise if the receiver chooses to believe what he or she thinks is the message you are trying to convey. Sometimes, it’s all just in the mind… people choose to believe what they believe in. misunderstandings, however, may sometimes just be facades for people trying to cover up their dirty work and yet push the blame to someone who, in fact, was articulate in his or her words.
“If you’re misunderstood, it’s your fault
You’re responsible, not the other party”
I think both parties are responsible. It is just a matter of who hold the greatest responsibility. Like what Mel mentioned, if the other party dun bother to understand you, and choose to only perceive what they see on the surface, then who is at fault? If there are miscommunication between the two parties which resulted in the misunderstanding, who is at fault?
And if we have to always live in fear of not being rightfully acknowledged by everyone, then wouldn’t we be leading a very miserable life, always worrying about things that may not happen? I think most importantly is that we know what we are doing and be true to ourselves. Time will tell everything.
happen to chance upon yr blog.i like the writting skills.great! =)
happen to see your blog… we met that night at suntec
email me if you need more information…
tata ;P
It’s not about what you said, it’s about what they perceived.
Just a simple word – YES – there could be hundreds of meaning to it.
Dear Elvin,
Good luck & All e best for Star Awards tmr =)
a good specker and responsible person will have confident not to be misunderstood.
only a touge twister will name others a misunderstood.
only someone who never think is wrong made others wrong all the time.
if else, the specker is then just a silly.
Conversation, always starts with a specker. So who should be responsible you think?
Hi Elvin, came across a Confucius comic book illustrating his life and teachings. (interesting indeed)..Fortunately it is in English. haha. Cannot read too chim Chinese.
Confucius says-
Do not worry about not being understood but be concerned about understanding others. Even if nobody understands me, I will not blame heaven or people.
CONGRATS!
Dear Elvin,
Congrats for your award won at star 2009. I certainly hope that you will have time to reply to this.
Faithtenzee
My name is 黃俊雄 too, I come from Hong Kong. Nice to meet you in the net!
Elvin, Congrats!!! But you sound a bit nervous when speaking…haha… Anyway, Jia you!!!
hey. Do not give up no matter how tough this acting path is going to be. Smile more. You look rather nervous in the star award presentation just now. Anw,congrats! =D
Congrats!!! I knew u will make it :D
congratulation for winning the top 10 male artist
jia you and you have been doing a great job
looking forward to the character you played in <>
:)
Hi Elvin,
Congratulations to you !! Although didn’t see any star designs in your suit yesterday (saw the polka dots) but you look really smart & dashing!!!!! (You reminded me of Bart Simpson when he dresses up go for his Sunday church, heehee). I think you are 1of the more formally dressed guys, which showed your respect for the show.
Bravo for giving a “signature” mind-provoking ‘deep’ quote during your speech despite the limited time & being rather nervous. Heehee, u’re so cute !
I missed the 1st 15mins of the after-party on Ch U (thot it was on Ch 8) but was disappointed for you, the comperes didn’t give you a chance to speak when they rounded the top 10 guys.
Happy that you made it and do continue to give your best & be happy !! (^_^)v
woohoo~! Congrats! =))))
THE SAME THING JUST HAPPENED TO ME…
HMM…
SAD>>>T-T
“When you’re misunderstood, it’s your fault”..
“When the other person is misunderstood, it’s his/her fault” — he/she doesn’t think so
experienced it hours ago…
anw, CONGRATS on your win! Con’t to JIayou! :)
Congrats Elvin! Continue to 加油哦! v(^___^*)v
congrats!!! so glad u won
For the topic for this particular entry, I seriously learnt it the hard way.
I used to have bad low morale, bad depression in a exact way to say, that caused me to say things anyhow, trying to get attention from people,
say things out without thinking for others, ended up bringing unhappiness and hurt a few dearies around. I used to blame them for that. But actually I should blame myself.
Just like there is this game [I believe all of us do play before once at least], from the start, someone stand at the start of line, the whole line will have like 5 to 6 people standing, back facing each other’s back, he/she will do some actions to the one in front of them & the process will pass on to the last person, the last person will have to guess the answer what the someone trying to show out. YET normally, the actions bring forward to the person in front will be reduced and reduced OR added in new actions as the process goes. Till the last person, somehow he/she won’t know what the answer is.
Just like how words are say out to people, the other party heard it, the other party will add salt and pepper, or will take away some details from the content, no one knows. Ended up the content is not the old content that we know, but a new content with “things” added in.
From the hard way, I learnt that we are responsible for what words we use on others, how we treat others, the words that we said out.
But is also the hard way that I learnt from, from my own past actions that I did, what conversations or words that people hear into their ears may NOT be the original version that was supposed to be. So is not fully our fault.
Well, I believe that there is karma in this world.
What you reap is what you sow.
Whatever you do, Heaven got eyes to see.
So if 1 do bad, he/she will get back bad lo!
1 do good, will get back good lo..
So if he as a 3rd party say out to others a different story from the actual one, one day he will get back what he did [someone else will say out to others a different story from what he said]
Just like me, i did bad in the past, now ppl do bad to me back.
What you reap is what you sow.
Now I have stepped out from the past, changed. Thanked God for those people who stand by me, hoping to see me change for the better. :)
Congrats, Elvin for getting into Top10! :)
All the best in the future works! :)
keep calm and party on cos life still goes on, my dear.
anyhow, congrats! n glad to see u at the after event party. =)
you look like superman, have anyone ever said that to u?
Hi i,
U know what?! Altho I don’t think Elvin look like Superman but I get that feel about him!!! And I told this to my sister before ! Haha! Glad to find some1 that has the same thoughts!
I guess it’s becoz Elvin gives kinda doot-doot (blur-blur) feel on the outside but in actual, he’s so intellectual. + he has such kind eyes & his height & build….just like Clark Kent ! Haha ! :P
reading ur blog makes me think u’re more just that a pretty face. surprise, surprise.. will come back for more. :)
Elvin,since u dont have a tag box,let me tell u the things i want to tell u here.
by the way,hello.=)
*update
I luv ur acting.the movies and drama that u acted.
congrats for u!because u got the starz award.
good luck!!
can u add me in msn if u dont mind?
secret_097@hotmail.com
thank you very much!!
supporting u forever!!=D
I would like to give you all the greetings in one msg:
=D
Happy Labour Day! Have a good rest and have fun till the long weekend is over. Hope you are recovering well too.
Congratulations on your winning top 10 male artiste again. 3rd time in the row. zai4 jie1 zai4 li4, ji4 xu4, nu3 li4!
Every artist was first an amateur.-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Along with success comes a reputation for wisdom.-Euripides
=)
Elvin, I find u a very philosophical person.
Anyway we were unit mates!
XX SCE….
Hi elvin , I have a question to ask about your fashion wear . I remembered I read one of your article in a featured magazine regarding to guys with board shoulder on their fashion wear and style . Would u share with me more about it as I couldn’t find the magazine in my house. I want to know what type of t-shirt or long sleeve i should wear to match my overly boarded shoulder.
Thanks if you could answer me back to my email =)
Hi Elvin,
I would like to enquire, if I leave my website address in your “leave a reply” box, will it be published?
I am asking because I would like you to visit my website. It will be gone soon because I read in a mypaper article recently that yahoo geocities will close down by this year, so I thought you might like to see my collection before it’s gone for good (T T). And you will get to see my real name there…
I took alot of effort setting up the site but recent years, I couldn’t find the time to maintain it. If you know of any such sites that could let me set up/transfer my website for free, please let me know, ok? Thankz.
u r the 1st celeb tat i visited ur blog more than twice.. other than i like the way u write, 1 main reason cuz i saw u once at the old airport hawker donkey yrs ago, u really left an impression on me for the unassuming side of you towards a hawker auntie.. the humble and sincere side of u – kip it gg.. u r reaping the rewards – tough but steady
~ vOn ~
Hi, good post. I have been wondering about this topic,so thanks for writing. I will certainly be subscribing to your blog. Keep up the good posts
elvin you r the most handsome guy i ener since i like you n btw you gt gf i heard onli la yr wife i jessica is it true
and oh ya where you stay
HeLLo Elvin [:
Dont mind if i ask u this..How Old ArE u btw..
i luv him
hi, my 1st time visiting your blog, think i can afford to hang around abit more (if time permits) ;)
hmmm, be it “misunderstood” or “mis-understood”, does the world really care?
There’s too much clutter, too many voices, too jaded, too tired…we have gorwn accustomed to hearing only what we want to hear, know what we want to know, and perceive the order of things the way we want it to be.
In my opinion, It does not make any difference to the world, but it does matter that I have stayed true to the cause, and kept my conscience clear.
Just my 2 cents worth on a contemplative nite, cheers.