it almost seems that
if it’s meant to be,
all things in the universe conspire to get you there
and if it’s not,
all things in the universe conspire to not get you there.
a lot of times in life, it is so.
i tend to believe it’s meant to be,
the path taken.
It’s strange to go on a holiday in your own country, how often do you do that? 4D5N Singapore. When you’ve been away for a while and will be away for a while more.
Familiar yet estranged at the same time, you learn to see the everyday things and routine that you do in a more beautiful light, and you learn to appreciate them, and be grateful for them.
Apart from, needless to say, family and my favourite people…
I miss driving my car, wherever, it will take me, therapeutic, the comfort of being in the driver’s seat, the liberty and spontaneity to do so, sometimes top down and wind in my face.
I miss playing soccer with the usual group, the partnership, the freedom of expression and play, the happiness of a child at the playground.
I miss sleeping in my own bed, like most would, tucked in, pampered, safe, and I miss showering in my own bathroom, most myself.
I miss jogging, a proper path, at the beach, to sweat it out, and I miss going to the gym, not that I loved it before or love it now.
I miss the sights and smells, the clean roads.
I miss opening the house lock.
I miss the routine and the lifestyle.
I miss writing, the inspiration to write.
It’s not so far away now…
I look forward to my own homecoming.
Welcome home soon =)
It is important to have Consistency of Character in acting.
But more so, it is important to have Consistency in Character in real life.
Both would lend you Credibility and Respect.
Our worldly education has probably conditioned us to vary our speech, action, and treatment of others dependent on or according to the social position, status, and wealth of the person, or how advantageous the person is to us, but “just because it is doesn’t mean it should be”. There are two common Chinese expressions: “Pray to who’s above and step on those below”; and “See a ghost, speak its language; see a man, speak his language”. Some would say or see it as adaptability and survival; I say it’s simply flawed and Inconsistency in Character.
You do not say one thing and do another; you do not do one thing and say another. You do not speak sweetly, do more, or act better just because the person is more helpful or useful to you but because you want to. That’s Consistency in Character for you. How could inconsistency in character be attributed as a strength in the form of adaptability and survival skill? How could an essential trait like consistency in character be blurred, overlooked and undermined through time and in our society today? That’s something I find hard to understand or accept. Easier said than done perhaps, but Consistency in Character is definitely more admirable and worthy of respect, coated in gold.
Some of our worldly ideas and concepts, those imparted to us, those we adhere to as truth and fact, those we don’t even need to think about, may be essentially flawed and susceptible. This is just one of them, in serious need of some Deconstruction, and this deconstruction begins and takes place in your Consciousness.
I now understand why people sometimes choose to be lost, no, not lost, in their own world. Perhaps it’s not such a bad thing after all. It could be a refuge, a haven, a quiet place, a controlled environment, where one coils or cuddles back into, where one feels a sense of security and comfort, whether false or not, at least it feels so. For a while now, I’ve been too much of a fire element, too hot-blooded, having a response and reaction to every stimulus, fighting for every little cause, expressing freely directly responsibly, whether at work or in my personal life, it’s been a bit too much to take, for me and probably the people around me, it might be a negative energy, I want to mellow down, less is more, keep some, go easy, be sometimes a bit ignorant, more of a water element, be sometimes a bit more in my own world, and it might be easier.
I told a friend, “I want to be more like you. More in your own world. And now I understand why.” I asked if she was optimistic or pessimistic, she said she’s hopeful. Sometimes, you feel as if you haven’t been good enough for the world or haven’t lived up to it. It was suggested it might be heathy to occasionally also believe “sometimes, perhaps, the world hasn’t exactly lived up to you too.” Not that anyone owes you a living though, not in that sense.
People sometimes live with arms wide open, only to be hurt and then they recoil into their own world; people sometimes break out of their shells in an attempt to welcome and let in the world again. Funny how life can be a constant flux like that, huh.
essentially is about another being but too often we might have too much pride, arrogance, authority, and centredness in ourselves. Until we come to terms with that, we might not really know how to love.
I was in complete shock and disbelief when I saw the newspaper headlines regarding the relationship between my fellow professional, Yangtian, whom I much respect for his qualities, and myself — “Buddies no more”, “Celeb Pals Split”… Yangtian is a good colleague, friend (a definition of friend can be quite vague), and fellow professional, whom I have had the opportunity to work closely with and often been pitted against, and who displays a great deal of qualities which are quite differing from mine and which I can learn a lot from; confidence, eloquence, courage and pluck being some of them that I admire about him. And especially in a supposedly sensitive and less easy period for him in the present moment (which I’m sure would quickly come to pass), it would not be in my integrity and conduct to speak negatively or ill about him or us; it would be against my principles and demean me as a person.
The reports, as usual and necessary, are hyped up and dramatised; however, they are untrue in the angle they were put across and definitely harmful in this case. Right from the beginning, the professional relationship between Yangtian and myself have been coined by the media — to be “buddies”, “friends”, “brothers”, just “colleagues”, or “rivals”, or “competitors” (or anything or nothing actually) — according to the convenience of the angle the article wants to be written. It would almost seem hypocritical for me to say we are great “buddies” and the best of pals, but at the same time I definitely am not so short-sighted and narrow-visioned to see him first and foremost and only as my “rival”; actually I see him first and foremost as a person, a budding youth, one with great light and energy. Hence, it is hard for me to say exactly what we are in one word; it is a wonderfully multi-faceted and mutually-dependent kind of relationship, and we are “nothing” the media puts us to be or wants us to be. What I tried to do was to give a very honest and objective observation of our relationship, that naturally we drift apart inevitably as we move on to different projects (as is the case with many actors and their co-actors on many occasions), and that we might somehow be feeling a bit of the strain from the long-overdrawn, hyped-up pitting of us as rivals or competitors fighting for the one top spot, the tortoise and hare in a race.
Unfortunately, I can only bemoan the fact that words from my mouth when transferred to the pen of the reporter undergoes a whole great deal of editing, photoshop, cut and paste, glossing over and highlighting at preferred areas, and that the pen is not in my hands. But since I have enjoyed the benefits of a so-called celebrity status, I should also understand and not complain that I have also subjected myself to the mercy, impression, like or dislike, love or hate, praise or criticism of others and the rules of the game I have put myself in, and to play it gamely. I come from a literature background and I’m just glad that my pen is in my hands and directly connected to my thoughts and feelings here. Sometimes perhaps, honesty is not the best policy, especially when you try to speak the truth to people who do not really care about you as a person but who see you as a means to an end, an object not a subject. I’m still learning… though I see myself persisting in an ideally direct and honest fashion, even it might not be the most self-beneficial and worldly-wise to do; at least I can face myself in the mirror come end of the day.
I come to address this issue, pressed for, but not to clarify nor explain but first and foremost as a person with basic integrity. I have always seen myself first as a person, like anyone else with basic human needs and emotions and insecurities, and then later as an actor or celebrity, whatever you call it. It does not feel good to be wronged or maligned or smeared, but sometimes it happens and that’s life. When celebrity status intrudes into and calls into question a person’s integrity and character, I hope to have some voice in it. I shall call Yangtian personally to clear some unnecessary bad air generated for us and I hope to reduce the harm done for us by the articles written, if I can be allowed so. This is neutral and passive, not meaning to defend nor offend.
“There is enough light for everyone.” There is no need to fight for light.
Touched…
cos they drove five hours just to have a weekend with me
cos they were shouting my name even I wasn’t there
cos just to have that short amount of time with you, it’s worth it
Thank you =)
Been wanting to visit Europe since I graduated from Uni five years back. My dream destinations were Paris, Barcelona, and Rome; and I always thought I needed at least two weeks for Europe. But ever since I entered my job, I never had the luxury to take that amount of time off work and I could only continue to dream of my European holiday. This time round, I only had eight days… I decided to do it… no second thought… just go… might as well… care less. And how well it turned out to be. The Amalfi Coast (Positano) and Roma. The Amalfi Coast is one of the most dramatic and breathtaking coasts I have seen; small, little roads weaving their way through and up and down the cosy, little towns built on rocks, swaying to the tune of old, Italian music. Roma is a great spectacle on its own, not without much grandeur and romance, and long-awaited too. “Positano!” Still… top of the world!
I’m learning to do my part and care less. There’s too much to care about, much less what others want to think of me. Perhaps, I’ve been caring a little too much, my friend said. Got a piece of advice, maybe this is sometimes not a bad attitude to adopt:
“If you don’t get me, you don’t get me.” “I don’t get you too.”
True. For you to get me, first you must want to get me right? & it’s hard cos we need heart for that.
“You don’t get me?” “Sorry, but I don’t get you too.” =)
Feeling a little deflated and winded…
Sometimes I have been hot-tempered and the one dishing it out… until i become the one at the receiving end of such ferocity do I realise how much it hurts.
Sometimes I have everything going for me and I might be beginning to lose it… it’s high time for some reality check and have me grounded again.
Sometimes I might have too much wind in my sails… it’s good to take some wind out of me.
Sometimes you forget that no one owes you a living…
Sometimes you get to level ten and forget that you started off from ground level…
Sometimes you begin breathing the air up at level ten and forget the sights you once saw when you were at level one…
Sometimes you get too big for yourself…
It’s time for some humbling. Eat some humble pie. Learn to practise restraint, tolerance, and empathy again. Learn to shut up, swallow some pride, take down some built-up walls and ego. A wounded animal learns. To lick its wounds, pick itself up, and move again. A man must not get too big for himself.
In the wake of the Japanese earthquake and tsunami, we all learn from this unfortunate but immensely humbling experience.
Wounded and humbled, I’ll lick my wounds and move on, probably put back in place and in better stead.
time for calm and quiet. to slow down and take a look at things around us. to step outside ourselves and get out of the rhythm we put ourselves in which we have so gotten used. it’s ok to be out of sync. it’s alright for that occasional stutter, or more. everything will be fine. the only thing you can know about life is that it always comes with its ups and downs, never constant, never reaching our ideal or preconceived state of equilibrium, unless we think it so. we can climb the highest mountain, only to find greater and newer heights beyond; we can get to the lowest low, only to realise there is always something else that will match or further it. is life a comparative or a superlative? i think it is all, and everything in between. nothing unchanging, even the comparatives and the superlatives we set for ourselves. at a perceived highest point, we strive to keep ourselves there, to maintain it, only to realise the futility of our efforts; at the lowest point, we fight and struggle to pull ourselves out, only to find the dawn of a brand new day after a good night’s sleep, nightmares and dreams. life takes us places, and when you can scale the greatest heights, you can also fall to the deepest depths. but know everything will be fine. the world out there can be harsh and moving at a pace far beyond you, the waters may be too turbulent for your liking, at times everything’s spinning, but i say learn it, ride it, you’re doing fine. we say be ready for the next high or the next low, or just change, but we don’t always have to be ready. get out of the routine, that monotone, that comfort zone, that solid ground, cos it’s not that stable or comfortable after all. sometimes tread on water, push some boundaries, go beyond. sometimes then, get back to that comfort zone. maybe in sync and out of sync are not so mutually exclusive after all. direction need not always be forward or right; a retreat can be a form of advancement, right may be “to the left, to the left”. life is a flux of all things. this is your story. this is your song. “how wonderful life is, now you’re in the world.” — luv, elvin.
“The hour before dawn is always the darkest.”
They say there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Just keep going, you’ll find the light someday.
But even if the world around you is dark, inside of you there is a shining spark.
Never lose that shining spark.
“Cos’ you’re not lost, you’re only finding your way.”
You’re that shining spark.
“黎明破晓前的时段是最黑暗的.”
不知道有多远, 只知道曙光就在前方, 唯有向前迈进, 希望能看到第一道曙光的那一天.
那一道曙光, 你看到了吗？
其实, 那道光就在心中.
周遭可能是黑暗的, 但心中不可没有那一道光, 就算是微不足道的一点光.
“因为你不是迷失了, 而是在寻找.”
黑有什么好怕的?
